TaoTantric Sex for World Peace
When sexuality is flowing freely between the genders a natural balance will reappear
When sex – eros – the source of aliveness is integrated in our society in a healthy way war will naturally disappear. This doesn’t mean there is no discomfort or pain. It does mean that the desire to conquer anyone will disappear. In patriarchy the feminine has been conquered. When there is a balance between the two forces of the feminine and masculine within and in the outer world there is no need for one to overpower the other.
To understand this principle, I share with you a little recap of what the feminine and the masculine represents. Those two forces live within every human being, but it happens that most often the way sexuality is experienced is connected to the gender you are born with. This is not always the case, since diversity in gender and attraction is a real thing and to distinguish cultural heritage from true biological differences is not so easy. It doesn’t really matter though to understand the idea that the qualities that are considered feminine in all genders have been neglected and suppressed for a long time. In short: the feminine is connected to flow, embodiment, earth, nature, vulnerability, yin, and ‘minus’. The masculine is connected to go, consciousness, sky, cosmos, strength, yang, and ‘plus’.
Sex or eros is a strong power and contains a huge lust for earthly life. Just think about the strong feelings and emotions it invokes in our body and soul! In quite a few big patriarchal religious traditions on our earth there was (is) a huge focus on the life after death. The focus was on heaven rather than life on earth. Everything connected to nature and the embodiment of life was considered less or even seen as a sin. It was there to be conquered and carried potential danger to deviate from the safety of controlling all the forces that might open the heart of humankind to eros.
This force that emerges in the lower part of our body and our basic source of life force energy. At some point in our history as a species it was deemed dangerous so it was better to suppress it on a grand and collective scale. Why and how… that is not for now.
What is for now is that we are reclaiming eros as women and men in an integrated way. Where we don’t have to be afraid anymore of this huge source of power, but know how to deal with and cultivate it. Where we make use of its power for personal and spiritual health and development on the micro level of our relationships and the macro level of our society. It is a work in progress, but at least we are starting!
Nowadays it looks like men don’t have to reclaim eros or sex. It seems accepted that men have this natural desire and have an easy way towards sex. It is true that most (younger) men are ready for sex more quickly than women. Their body responds immediately towards sexual stimuli (yang! Go-go-go!) and women need more time to heat up their sexual waters (yin… flow…). This doesn’t mean that women have no sexual desire. It just works differently. And when the gate of the sexual waters is open, she is ON! Honestly when a woman knows her body and truly embodies her sexuality the masculine standard way of having sex is just not satisfying for her.
Our vision on sex and orgasm has been dominated by male sexuality. When it comes to anatomy of the clitoris for example, it took until 1998 until the female researcher Helen O’ Connor published this pearl in its full form for the first time. This is just scratching the surface. There is so much more possible than a clitoral climax when it comes to female orgasm (the six ways that women can orgasm, anyone?). Part of TaoTantric sex for world peace is creating awareness that sexual desire works different in women then it does for men. It is still assumed to function roughly the same. It doesn’t.
There are similarities, but there is a scope of human sexuality that has been neglected in men and women. That is what you could call sustainable long lasting yin sexuality that is not for reproduction and/or quick releases of sexual desire. This kind of sex makes use of and is felt in the whole (energy) body. It requires a different focus and a connection of sex and heart. The focus is on expansion of the sexual sensations rather than excitement only and the awakened sexual life force energy is connected to the heart and moved through other energy centers. That is what I call integrated sexuality. And this is where a better understanding of female sexuality comes in.
Female sexuality is yin. Her sexual waters arise when she is being stimulated from her whole body and heart slowly towards her sex. It starts with whispers in the ear and all kinds of foreplay before she is ready to be penetrated. Men’s sexuality is yang. It is easily awakened in the penis and from there is supposed to flow towards the rest of the (energy) body.
For this sustainable long lasting epic full body felt orgasmic sex you have to know how sexuality works on an energetic level and how the magnetic polarity between women and men works. What ideally happens when you make love is the awakening of an energy circuit between the two bodies. The sexual energy flows from the plus-penis of the man to the vagina-minus of the woman and from the woman’s plus-breasts to the man’s minus-chest.
How come that we are usually not aware of this circuit when we make love? Why don’t we feel this from the first time we make love? Well… this is where the patriarchy comes in again. Men could only conquer women in this collective and sometimes cruel scale by closing their heart. To protect themselves from hurt – also from other men. No space for vulnerability and emotions.
Men are often easily ready for sex and can penetrate more easily without having a heart connection. Truly fulfilling sex it is not, because the full body experience and true intimacy lacks. It is not whole, it is broken and disconnected. The thing is that this kind of unintegrated sexuality is still the standard in our society. A lot of women have adapted to this ‘normal’ way of having sex, where the focus is on quick climaxes or worse: the focus is the pleasure of the man and they are disconnected from their own bodies and pleasure.
When women have a lot of disconnected ‘empty’ sex that it not truly pleasurable for her, eventually her desire seems to disappear. When the relationship is secured the flame of desire seems to fade. The body has learned that sex is not pleasurable and it takes a lot of time and energy. Sexual desire doesn’t appear anymore, because when it does, it is not being met with a pleasurable and energizing experience.
It is important for women to reclaim their sexuality and honor the signals that her body sends her. That she knows how to have pleasure and stands up for her needs and desires shamelessly. For a long time this has been repressed. Women’s sexuality has been seen as dangerous. There was and still is this dichotomy that as a woman you are either the good girl or the whore. You cannot be both.
We can be both though and we have to be both. Only when women access the raw power within, she can be truly empowered. To thrive in pleasure, to sound and roar in their true bliss and sensual nature. Feeling free in her authentic self, as her unique archetype taking her rightful place in sexuality, relationships, and society.
When it comes to sex with a partner, a lot of women feel connected to female sexuality. Where they give love from the heart to the man and receive sex and pleasure from the man. Women’s sex opens through her heart. A man’s heart opens through sex. In response to the patriarchal forces where the female body and sexuality is not respected, let alone that there is a lot of knowledge of how to approach a female body in a way that she is truly thriving in her pleasure, women have closed their sex. In a world where there’s no space for vulnerability and emotions, especially men have closed their heart.
And this is where the natural cycle of bliss during lovemaking between men and women has disappeared. It takes courage for a woman to open her sex, to let her sexuality flow. Healing of numbness in her vagina, letting go of layers of shame and fear to sound and move freely when it comes to lovemaking. It takes courage and healing for a man to open his heart, to receive love and let himself be touched in his heart through eros. When it comes to moving and cultivating sexual energy for men, the masculine standard of the quick climax has to be replaced by a standard where ejaculation is not the goal.
To ejaculate every time during (self) love making is actually disempowering for a man. He loses a lot of energy with this (hence the orgasm and then falling asleep thing). It is the art of working with this energy and being able, as a man, to experience orgasmic waves without ejaculation. When he is able to do this, he can last longer and share his true gift of sex with a woman. Together with his energetically charged penis and receptivity in his heart he is a true blessing in love making. He will also feel finally sexually satisfied, because sexuality is whole again: there is space for the masculine and feminine essence in his experience of sexuality.
When the woman knows and owns her sexuality and has reconnected to the pleasure in her vagina and the man is able to open his heart and is able to experience orgasmic waves without ejaculation, the true joy and magic of sex can be experienced. The natural polarity does its work and very high states of natural bliss occur without a lot of effort! Women are able to blossom in their erotic nature and men are able to open their heart again.
This acceptance and celebration of the feminine and masculine sexuality within ourselves as women and men leads to world peace, because the female aspect of sexuality is being integrated. Part of the war between the sexes has ended. There is a new base of trust, where women feel safe to open their sex and men feel safe to open their heart. There is also more of less an integration of the feminine and masculine within.
I believe when we have attained a better balance between the feminine and masculine within and are in our intimate sexual relationships, this peace that has been created on the micro level ripples out on the macro level. At the moment there is so much ‘war’ in our intimate and sexual relationships. Sex is still such a taboo topic and the pleasure gap for women is still omnipresent. When we don’t know how to live peacefully in our intimate relationships, how are we able to do it on a societal level?
Part of the answer is integrated eros. There is more to the sexual energy phenomena written above, there is a lot to explore in the realms of working with and cultivating sexual energy inspired by modern sexology and TaoTantra. This simplified version hopefully illustrated that when we reintegrate the feminine in our sexuality, in both women and men, there is a lot of potential for blissful sexual experiences. When this is integrated in ourselves, there is no need to conquer the one or the other, because there is trust through embracing the feminine and masculine aspects of eros and embracing eros itself as a source of aliveness and not something to fear!
Where to start?
And here as a man.